there are very high beauty standard for women, way more than men. (i'm not complaining, seriously). beauty is something i'm trying to understand... how attractions capture us, how our eyes become fixed magnets on certain beauties. how shapes and faces move us. it's a strange allure. i never really consider my beauty to the outside world... how do others percieve me? is what i see in the mirror what others see, or does my inner self radiate beyond my physical? it's an abstract concept in many ways. well, today i was in a clothing store seeking dressy pants and tops. as i was trying on clothes, i felt horrified at my image. the combination of the florescent lights and the exaggerated image coming through the mirror definately imposed a low self image on me. i felt very alien and unsure of myself. do i really look like this? if i do, does it matter? a lot of self image psychology was running through my head. i felt like i needed to like never eat again. why did i feel like that? well because part of me is psychologically tormented by beauty standards, and even though i don't consume myself in that world, it is so apparant and real that it consumes me. i let it. i wonder if glossy super models look discolored and lame infront of dressing room mirrors. does make them cry?
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