bright.

I see beautiful futures ahead, rainbows, clean clouds, cars that fly... Everything gentle today, the core of my being is at peace again. The heaviness lifted, there is laughter to this journey. We are all at work, so much work (inner), and it is only our own work that needs the attention, the lifting. No more do I look outward to check in the wrong elements that exits, but I look within and say, be calm, be gentle, feel positive, and question always your ways. Are my words shelters from love? Or do they speak oceans, and tongues, and images of humility? Remind me always of this, my ways, how I must reconstruct my reality to see only the truest of true light.
It is not just our attitudes and personalities that come with inherit challenges, it is the challenges that we have be faced with that test us, our weaknesses, in the darkest moments, how do we react? There is no challenge, only laughter and joy, and the ability to let go and say, " Ah, okay, here I am, this is beautiful, hell is great, I welcome life in all it's ways, show me show me everything. " And then we continue, with everything in all it's madness around us, embracing the simplicity of how life just is and we just are.

first draft:

when you are far
there is only silence.

we may as well be
separate by seas .

and in the windows
the raindrops covered.

i hear nothing,
it feels like days.

hours uncontrolled,
where have we been ?

in the dark hours,
i read books of "Him" and hymns,
and womens' cries of fiction.

people speak of meanings
i do not understand their stories.

they speak with technicalities
perhaps you can translate them to me ?

my world is foreign,
i could not take you there.,
for here, everything is
refined for simplification,
and measured hour by hour.

and what i see
and what i feel
is limitless and far away
and far away.

perhaps we will meet
somewhere between my ocean
and your earth,
soil, dirt, cunning roots growing,
my waters will wash me there.

spinning tiny head thing.

sometimes in my mind, everything spirals, and my eyes see backwards. there is this opening in my throat that invite's lucid dreaming, and for days i could go in my mind, endless revolutions. a tight, pounding action reoccurs when i forget to speak. all these tiny things are dangerous in my head, spinning for hours. i have build up illusions that memory will wipe us clean, and in the beginning we will remain, another part of ourselves. these dimensions are running thin, and for this i will be grateful; that i belong here.

shooting star.

and if i get blasted in the sky,

i'll just be glad to know i'm alive.

ordinary celebration.

i'm going to break the flow of poetic post with an ordinary form of speech. today was the official end of the birthday week celebration. the birthday began with lot's of food... curry pad thai dish my friend and i concocted, a recording session, film score music, soy ice cream!, a discount on my monthly phone bill, and chef's central (in no particular order). birthday day was - love, nice weather, more food (rad veggie restaurant) + rasberry crumb bar, prospect park + ukelele + more love, beautiful ambient show at monkey town by sawako & friends, which included visuals, transportative pipe organ, and sweet melodies, also not to mention incredible universal gifts all day long. today - more food ...cooked lunch with a world class flamenco guitarist, re-discovered a song of mine and mixed it minimally, rad recording session with an incredible songwriter, followed by the final dinner celebration at a quaint new jersey japanese restaurant - sweet potato rolls=yum!!!, and yes more groovy vibes all around. i love birthdays! unfortunately the celebration must end, otherwise we wouldn't have birthdays to look forward to. this was a really special week in many ways, truly a memorable time in my life.

Vestal Virgin.

my Virgin lover
you are warm,
pale ivory,
soaked in Vestal blood.

Veiled by the moon,
Vulcan's innocent dreams,
a haunted vessel in disguise.

golden hair wrapped in thorns,
sewn orchard white.

harps and birds hum a soft melody
in the garden
where sea creatures grow.

Higher , higher
the Vestal Virgins become,
one,
divinity unspoken of.

Brothels now stand
where once upon a time
was innocent and pure.

The eyes of the beseeched
roam into distant heavenly clouds,
awaiting for a flower to blossom,
the dust of the kingdoms moon.

through the mirrors
tall cities dissapear

ectasy or earth?

i hope when the lights die out
our bodies are still rotating,
on access
with the deadly earth.

the world may purify itself,
and fires
will burn through this air.

we may choke on ourselves,
ghostly limbs hungry for what's not there.

when yr eyes move
to the secret corners,
ships will wreck.
every mermaid
will dream you up.

venus will move still,
slowly displaced,
our sacred centers
may disappear.

when i awake;
this fantasy revealed,
will i remember ?
the images of
strings moving
molecules,
and someone pounding
a chest into my heart.

When we :

When we lay,

the ceiling begins to falter,

stars appear

like branches ,

growing beneath the ocean.

I could laugh forever

in a warm embrace.

Adjacently placed,

your hands cover my eyes.

The light bulb is dimming.

I'm miles away,

but somehow

your voice brings me back.

Where I dissipate
into a cloud,
the entire atmosphere
shakes,
and we are unconsciously awake.

Lotus.

The Indian Goddess brushed her hands against my skin.

She was orange glowing silks, 

Wrapped with lotus flowers,

Her mantra is beauty.

Om.

goddess light.

The goddess enters my body,

she is white luminous lights flowing 

encapsulated in our sacred dance.

When she is inside me,

I glow atop rooftops

spawning all through time.

She enters when there is innocence

which lurks for divinity.

She is in search of her vestals,

the pure virgin lovers.

I let her enter 

because she keeps men

spellbound by her love.

When she leaves

I can feel my body shift

into a post mortal presence.

We are here,

sacredly locked by story.

and hands, 

they drive down my spine.

pale softly parted lips,

my ego is dissolved.

pink breasts react femininely

against this raging heart.

neptune: i live and dream.

"and i realized that any game i do comes out of my own ego. my job was just to work on myself and if anything happens, it happens." ___ram dass

a melancholic day.  no center.  the mantra repeats redundantly in my head.  i have no meaning.  i just wait for the "sound" to somehow make that transformation inside me.  i am the vehicle waiting to hear the calling.  i wonder why so often i live between confusion and state.  sometimes i live in dream and sometimes i live awake.  

bodies:

because i've only know disillusion and distance, every emotion i've had tied to the heart center has been feeble.  i've only know brutality of desire, never known it's sublime mother.  my lust has fangs and it's been artificial, a honey luster fatalistic candy.  i've written of love with allusion to hate.  my hate is powerful, it is desire.  i would look into the eyes of those i want to consume, only to find them weak-morbid-brothels.  they were sin unfit for any divine intention, just pure mental masturbation.  but every virgin lover meets her serendipitous sacred other.   every woman will find her pleasure center, and it will be holy.   love has answers.  unlike lust, she is delicate, beautiful, and carries the life force.  lust is the bastard sister of love, the betrayed slut. she has eyes that burn with rage.  she is passion that eats you up.   desire and passion have transformative figures,  they are ever evolving truth seekers.  their cold minds can turn soft and fair, unveiled in moments of time.  love that is pure intention seeks no other way.  it is the ultimate unification.  the self is selfless; it is immersed in the pure thought of divine unity.  

i was once a little girl, gazing curiously at an expansive sky.  my heart was pure and warm.  i feel that child in me, alive again.  she is gentle, observant, and has a mindful of stars.  as i stare intimately at the fixtures in this room, i see our bodies engaged in the thought of massive transformation.  i believe in nothing and all, at once, there is living dreams in what we feel.  i am an emotion body floating effortlessly in this dream.  you are standing, a sacred vestal, my love remembers you.  you were the gentle, beautiful, goddess that was dreaming this moment.  you made me alive again.

eternal:

my love is eternal

it is the last dying ember on this planet,

it is ecstatic exaltation.

my love moves outward,

there are no limits

it goes out and out and out,

into infinity.

my love is ever expanding,

a helium balloon lost in space,

traveling into the myriad of eternity.

hit by sunlight

the most intimate moments happen beneath sunlight,

under exposed and over stimulated,

i awake radiant.

as motion spins silently,

your innocence is glowing

in my hands.

soft angles mirror dark corners,

harsh truths always seem more beautiful

without moving backgrounds.

in the stillness of object,

my mind sputters to the idea of 

bodies floating.

our emotions engage 

the deepest part

of the center.

snowed in.

everything was gentle today. i awoke to white. soft flakes silence the city. the universe teaching us patience. everything in slow motion. the fire burned all day...the smoke must have burned through my lungs. i didn't mind, wood fire and natures oxidation inside. the piano was visited with a song. all day we layed around, a perfect excuse to do nothing. somehow technology still keeps busy, in spite of natures dialog. the blue jays are on snow covered tree tops, they don't get cold. maybe the seeds they eat make them warm. i cut my moms hair, she looks young again. i realized how much patience distance requires. i am happy to have been home bound today. it was a nice comfort, warm house, fine food, being in the company of yr genetic others. i feel calm inside. the snow energy inspired me; to be soft, quiet, effortless. this is a practice in meditation. i must be still now.

rooftop view.

I see time spanned across landscape. We were here before. Our bodies float. If I never live another day, I would have died content knowing, I've seen beauty in all it's inconsistent angles. She is the goddess that is ugly. She can transform at any moment.

the theory of nothing.

every moment is apocalyptic.
at the edge of destruction,
all chaos will vanish.

tiny

we are tiny people on constellations that drift.

in dreams, our nature obscures