god found.

to know god you must travel to the outside worlds.
to travel to the outside worlds you must be pure.
to be pure you must know god.

new god.

who is this new god you speak of?
the formless form,
the limitations set by the no-self
self-less,
the rose bud in the thorn.

is it the many gods
of whom you've known,
the worlds beyond this one,
such radical possibilities
do exist.

how extremely optimistic to think
of the many things
which bear no fruits here,
to think all poison
as an offering of the moon.

if you were my child,
and i were god,
i would have created you in the image of beauty as well.

who's tongue do you breathe from,
which form you endure,
in the many moons
of children,
that keep you in the womb.

do those moon-rays complete the psyche?
is it like god to make these delusion so permissible.

who's god do you believe in?
which world has you
forgotten in the
radical possibility
that your existence
may endure.

God in the formless
God if form,
God in the many,
God without light,
God forgotten,
God without memory.

to miss ;

is it possible to miss yourself?  because i do.  i miss myself.  i'm always different, each moment, and i have a nostalgia about who i was and who i am becoming.

dream.

i had a peculiar dream last night. i don't want to put so much focus on it, but it felt like it had significance. i dreamt that i was in love with a murderer, and a murderer was in love with me? what does that mean...well i won't get into that yet, but i will explain the rest of the dream. the person, which really didn't have a physical presence in my life, but i felt him, i knew him. he had a desire to preform surgeries on people, find people's body's and cut their centers open and remove their hearts. it sounds really sick i know, but he was a master as this and he was very meticulous and careful, and he felt it was his calling to god?? (this really sounds twisted i bet). anyway, the way we met was he was after my body and wanted to remove my heart, but he was so in love with me that he couldn't and he couldn't see me. but the love between us was so inseparable and intense. even though i knew he had this mental distortion and was really twisted, i loved him. then, he taught my father how to do the same thing, and my father joined him on one of his surgical journeys. my mom knew about it and was totally frightened for me and called me warning me to stay away, that my life was threatened. but i had total faith in my love for this man, and his love for me, despite this twist, that i knew everything would be ok.

Mars

you are the god of war,

lit on the backdrop of desire,

your brilliant black light,

feeds the countless stars.

i dream of making love

under your rule.

i dream of overtaking

your power.

i dream of my lust

being destroyed by you.

No Love has a Dream.

I've been adorned

on the bed of a crystal shell,

poised against feathers & sea life,

thick moss brushed against my teeth,

the clouds of smoke, thick with dew.

I've waited for Mother,

I've waited for Artemis,

I've waited for stone,

your body build like rock

and foam.

Nothing returned,

some skulls, dirt,

ritual blood & soot.

I waited for love,

I waited for you.

(Only love darkens the day,

the love you sent me away to,

on a crystal ship, far far in a dream,

I awakened in a bottle).

Mother send me there,

mother with the blackened lung,

mother of the Queen,

ladened with dark power.

I wished you fare-well,

in dreams we dream of gold,

but you returned, battered,

slight of my amiable pardon.

I saw no treason in the red dress,

in the kiss you imposed on me,

on the life that I mistook,

in the dream that never awoke.