married

we married on the pacific, against the rocks, cliffs off the ocean. it was panoramic, we could have been in the english isles. the green moss was so vivid, and the water so clear you could see to creatures on the bottom. i wore my bluebird vintage dress, all white, i felt luminous. we collected ourselves by the ocean, rid ourselves from the past, and made eternal promises. he gave me the Torah as contract of our love, and we exchanged rings embossed with "ani l' dodi v' dodi li." we sang yedid nefesh until our hearts stopped. we embraced into the brilliant sun, gazing in the ocean as if there was no end.

settling.

i'm waiting to settle, like a leaf slowly moving toward ground. i want to feel the earth, the dense soil, gently placed atop mother. it's been months of movement, waiting to come into being. only friction result from so much chaos. i am asking g-d for grace, strength, resolution, peace. it is not stillness i seek, only harmony.

the day of the dead

the tulips have barely brought blossom,

another spring without beginning,

another winter without forgiveness,

yeshuah in the dark earth,

is the peace of g-d descending?

another place with no story,

how deep do these blades of grass shutter,

into the flesh of mortals,

a slow reaping of sorrow.

where is the g-d today?

where is the sun today?

still no grace to the cold of tomorrow,

i breathe the memory, a lightening lung,

the silence still humility.

The Love of Netzach

What does it mean to Endure?

The healing trip of two people wounded

And bound by the Eternal, One

Love.

Some say love is healing,

But love takes endurance~netzach

To wake up loving someone

Everyday, even when they’re

Difficult,

Intolerable,

Irrational,

Unwilling

is hard work.

To stay when nothing you want is happening.

To believe when nothing you wish is becoming.

To wait for some parts that may never appear.

What does it mean to Endure my love?

To push it through the finish line?

Sweating,

Feeling the lungs collapse, the breath harden,

As if there was some prize at the finish line.

Perhaps to endure is,

To hold the glory of,

I made it to the end,

That was impossible,

But I pushed my limits,

I did it,

That’s the metaphor of the kind of love

G-d responds to.

guru poetry.

"the dual scales of maya,
that balance every joy with grief!"
~yogananda

undue.

how decent of my love to show up at the wrong time.
when there's nothing left for you to give.
where there's nothing left for you to feel.
why there's nothing left for you to trust.
i'm told to thank g-d for this for this decent, into nothing; where your love is waiting.